Moving on

Moving on from miscarriage is weird.  There are so many more women out there who deal with this.  I wish people would talk about it more.  There is nothing to hide.  I didn't want this to happen to me, it just did.  I didn't do this to myself, no one did it to me.  There is nothing to be ashamed about.  This baby was not ment to be with me here on earth.  I know the Lord has a good reason for taking that baby.  It hurts to not be pregnant anymore, but it helps in knowing where my baby is.  I keep finding more and more people I know, or people of friends who have had a miscarriage.  I am not alone and I do find comfort in that.  To know this is not a uncommon problem makes me feel better, not great, but better.  


Trying again is scary.  Pregnancy will never be as care free as it was for me the first go around.  I had no fears, although I did know miscarriages existed.  I never had any complications to cause me to worry.  Since this loss, I know I will always be on the look out for something,  I am already praying for patience and peace.  I want to be care free like before.  I want to not be on my guard waiting in fear.  Above all, I just want to be pregnant and sail though to the end and deliver a healthy baby to snuggle.  I know it will happen, its just the waiting that gets me.  I am so not patient!  In the mean time, I am working on not being so in control.  I am not the giver of life. I try to remind myself of that all the time.  Its hard to let go and trust that in His time we will add to our family.  I have adopted this verse as my new motivation to give my fear and control over to God:


      The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside quiet waters.  He restores my soul.   
    Psalm 23.