When we decided to try to get pregnant again it was a "it'll be fun to try" kinda thing. With our two year old we never had a "lets try". We conceived her without trying at all. A one time shot you could say. Well, this time was different. We tried in July, got pregnant and miscarried due to a blighted ovum at 5 weeks. We are both more than crushed! I didn't realize we'd get preggo so fast and then lose it even faster. The saying of not wanting something so bad until you don't have it anymore is so true! I think about this loss all the time, it consumes me. I feel like all I see is pregnant women and newborn babies, not to mention the announcements of pregnancy. My mind often drifts to where we could have been in this pregnancy. I try not to obsess about it since we only tried the one month, but to lose something makes it worse than just a negative pregnancy test. Not to mention telling people who we'd already told the good news to.
Life is slowly moving on. My body took care of everything on its own. I am still dealing with loss, but remembering that I can get pregnant, I can have a healthy pregnancy, I will have another baby. Since I already have a child it makes it easier. Just looking at her, I already feel so blessed. Without her, I think I'd really obsess about being pregnant again. Without her, I know I would wonder if we were ever going to be able to conceive and carry a healthy baby.
This whole miscarriage has definitely brought the hubby and I closer together. He took days off from work to be with me. He took me on a nice retail therapy shopping trip and is always checking in on me to make sure I'm not dwelling on it. Hopefully the near future will result in the positive news we've been dreaming of.
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